Subtitle: Do I Matter? An Adoptee’s Perspective through Her Relationships

My relationship with Mom became more and more strained. I went from being an extrovert to an introvert. I urgently wanted to know everything that there was to know about my biological father. Every time a thought popped into my mind, I stored it away to ask Mom later.

One day, I asked her if my biological father had blue eyes like me. She answered, “Yes. He was tall and handsome.”

I asked eagerly, “What did he do?”

“He was an architect.”

I frowned. “That’s not fair. I thought you couldn’t remember.”

Mom looked agitated. “Did I say that? You ask a lot of questions.”

It was clear that I was on my own. I’d become my own “Inspector Clouseau.”

Later on, Mom confided in me that my biological father was never around. He drank too much. I was skeptical about everything she told me after my traumatic discovery. Her story kept changing. She could never keep his profession straight. For instance, my biological father was also the lawyer in charge of the fraudulent checks that Mom witnessed while working as an Assistant in the Palace of the Justice building in Nürnberg, Germany.

I felt it was my birthright to know who my biological father was. It didn’t feel right that Mom refrained from discussing anything about him. I knew that I’d never find out the truth from Mom. I strongly considered hiring a private detective. I thought that the private investigator would answer any unresolved questions. I only had to figure out a way to get my father’s name or a copy of my birth certificate:  his name would be on it. Then I would no longer be a wanderer without identity.

When I was twenty-three, my father handed me a blue folder which contained all of my personal documents; i.e., adoption certificate, birth certificate, my passport, etc.  But my birth certificate contained only Mom’s name! I finally concluded that I would never know my real father’s name.

While growing up, I was always becoming somebody new, someone with no permanent status. What angered me the most was that in all probability, I would never know my full heritage. Shortly after I discovered that I was adopted, I became acutely sensitive to the phrase, “You look just like your father,” comments that relatives often said to their children. I found my eyes stinging with pooling tears. I couldn’t understand why Mom refused to give me any details about my biological father.

While I felt traumatized by a discovery entirely different from the truth I’d known my entire young life, I concluded that somehow I would have to find a way to heal without any records.

My book guides you along an adoptee’s journey and nurtures love in order to help you overcome feelings of anger and betrayal.  carina-book-imageIn gratitude for having you here, you can sign up for my guide book,  3 Most Important Truths When Talking About Adoption. I encourage you to share it with others as well. >>Sign up here<<

Praise for

                                        3 Most Important Truths When Talking About Adoption 

“Carina! Thank you for sharing! I think what is most appealing about you and (for me) comes through in your writing is that you really, truly, speak from the heart. Especially from my perspective– being adopted, struggling with my own truths about my family and biological father, I know I can relate to much of your story. But even outside of that– reading your writing feels like a conversation, like I’ve known you for years– which is something I find to be one of the most important aspects of a writer. People want to feel connected and you have that grace that pulls your reader in and makes it intimate and comforting to read your story.”~ Nickcole W.

Burns-JewelryBox CVR

Praise for

The Syrian Jewelry Box: A Daughter’s Journey for Truth

“Carina Burns has looked within herself, faced her demons, and developed the courage to share her journey of love, perceived betrayal, angst, and regenerative love. I first knew Carina before she learned of her adoption. She was a typical carefree teenager enjoying the ‘good life’ of a third-culture expatriate kid. Only recently have I reconnected with her. She has quite a story, a gift she shares with passion. Carina Burns is truly ‘becoming’ in every way imaginable.”~ Richard Maack, junior high school principal, Saudi Arabia

 

 

Carina’s memoir, The Syrian Jewelry Boxis a beautifully expressed story from an adopted child written in a manner which will help bring contentment and comfort to all adopted readers.”~ Anthony J. Zamarchi, Sr., Raytheon Middle East Systems

For future publication and purchasing information, please visit Carina’s website.  >>here<<

Original Syrian Jewelry Box

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Me, (14 1/2) & Dennis, (12)-1974 Last Christmas on Raytheon Compound in Jeddah; four months before my discovery.

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