Subtitle:  Do I Matter? An Adoptee’s Perspective through Her Relationships

I hadn’t the slightest notion of how to act. No matter how hard I tried to pretend that everything was ok, nothing was the same since my traumatic discovery. It would not be for many years that I could express or even understand how embarrassed I felt after finding out by accident that I am an Adopted Child. Or how powerfully it affected how I viewed myself, and my self worth…

Now, every time I asked Dad something, it sounded strange to say “Dad”. I felt embarrassed to mention the word.

Dad winked. “Hey, Carina, “Let’s pick up some skewered chicken and watermelon at the suk.”

“Awe, do I have to, Dad?” I frowned.

He smiled, hoping to win my approval. “Come on Carina, it’ll be just you and me, kid. We’ll have fun.”

I forced a smile. “Oh, alright, I’ll be right out after I change into my thobe.” I told him I’d meet him at the car and escaped.

I found Dad waiting for me in the driver’s seat of our open-air Jeep in the carport.

“Ready to roll, Carina?” he asked eagerly.

Before I had a chance to answer, he full-throttled our Jeep along the lonely dirt road heading to Jeddah’s downtown suk.

“Let’s pull over to watch the sunset.”

He skidded to a full stop parallel to the Red Sea. The glowing sun fell beyond the horizon completely lost in the sea.

“Is it really that bad after all, Carina?” He winked at me.

Of course it was bad. Really bad. I had a gazillion questions; but how could I go behind Mom’s back and ask Dad about my biological father. I was certain that Mom had told him everything; I still hadn’t a clue about how to act or respond to Dad. How do you even begin to act when your heart feels like a dagger is stuck inside the center of it and aches horribly? I didn’t want Dad to know that I was always on the verge of tears. My eyes stung from those never-ending pooling tears. I only wanted to appear strong for Dad. I didn’t want him to think of me as a damsel in distress or a nomad without identity caught up in a desert storm of emotions.

I stared out the window to the horizon. I noticed a lonely, forlorn sailboat gliding aimlessly over the Red Sea’s distant dark patches of water.

Then I lied: “I guess not.”

In spite of how embarrassed and uncomfortable I felt, I recognized that Dad was trying really hard to comfort me, hoping to remain my hero.

“Carina, one thing we have for sure is unconditional love,” he turned his head to me and smiled.

My book guides you along an adoptee’s journey and nurtures love in order to help you overcome feelings of anger and betrayal.  carina-book-imageIn gratitude for having you here, you can sign up for my guide book,  3 Most Important Truths When Talking About Adoption. I encourage you to share it with others as well. >>Sign up here<<

Praise for

                                        3 Most Important Truths When Talking About Adoption 

“Carina! Thank you for sharing! I think what is most appealing about you and (for me) comes through in your writing is that you really, truly, speak from the heart. Especially from my perspective– being adopted, struggling with my own truths about my family and biological father, I know I can relate to much of your story. But even outside of that– reading your writing feels like a conversation, like I’ve known you for years– which is something I find to be one of the most important aspects of a writer. People want to feel connected and you have that grace that pulls your reader in and makes it intimate and comforting to read your story.”~ Nickcole W.

Burns-JewelryBox CVR

Praise for

The Syrian Jewelry Box: A Daughter’s Journey for Truth

“Carina Burns has looked within herself, faced her demons, and developed the courage to share her journey of love, perceived betrayal, angst, and regenerative love. I first knew Carina before she learned of her adoption. She was a typical carefree teenager enjoying the ‘good life’ of a third-culture expatriate kid. Only recently have I reconnected with her. She has quite a story, a gift she shares with passion. Carina Burns is truly ‘becoming’ in every way imaginable.”~ Richard Maack, junior high school principal, Saudi Arabia

 

 

Carina’s memoir, The Syrian Jewelry Boxis a beautifully expressed story from an adopted child written in a manner which will help bring contentment and comfort to all adopted readers.”~ Anthony J. Zamarchi, Sr., Raytheon Middle East Systems

For future publication and purchasing information, please visit Carina’s website.  >>here<<

Original Syrian Jewelry Box

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Dad @ “The Creek” near the Red Sea & me (15) at Raytheon pool, 1975

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Raytheon Pool

 

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