Subtitle: Do I Matter? An Adoptee’s Perspective through Her Relationships

My relationship with my children had many challenges; being when my boys, I thought appeared to not be listening or when they lied to me. Could it have been that my words didn’t register with them? Might my annoyance with their response have derived from a possibility of them not understanding me? Which is not to say that they didn’t pay attention to me? This might explain why our children then tune us out. I’ve discovered that it doesn’t serve me to say “you’re not listening”, or “you didn’t hear what I said.” From my experience, this fuels the communication barrier. Alongside these challenges and from my own experience, I believe that “parenting’s” most challenging task would have to be persistence; therein lies “unconditional love”—a staple for every parent(s) who desire to achieve success. I remember Dad related to me: “You can never do enough for your kids.” I like to think that a subset of “unconditional love” might be labeled as “tough love”. Now as a parent, his words of wisdom reassure me.

Under the umbrella of  “good parenting skills” considering “unconditional love”, I found that controlling my fuming anger whenever my kids did not tell the truth—even if it were insignificant or a “white lie”—proved to be one enormous obstacle. Over the years and closer to healing, first Dad, my former bosses on my plethora of jobs,  then my husband and children taught me about the “art of listening”; And for that matter, attentively. Parents perform to the best of their ability. Just when I think just because I am a parent, and I think that I know “better”, it would behoove me to really hear my children. I might even uncover something unpleasant about myself.  I then resort to “fixing” what my character’s weakness becomes.

I’ve had to work hard in life on developing good tuning in skills due to a strained relationship with my mother. Throughout my rebellious adolescence, I felt that she never understood anything I said. Sometimes, I even blamed it on the fact that she spoke English akin to a second language. Meanwhile my mother was unhappy with me. She then pointed out and related that I never paid her attention—this is a non-supportive response –hindering communication between the parent and child. In hindsight, had my mother attempted to truly hear and/or entertain my words, I would have felt supported. A few years ago, I recall when she related what my father told her: “You should try and listen more to what Carina says.”

While I endured anger around step three, it seethed inside me well into adulthood. Once I neared acceptance, gratitude and peace along my healing journey, then my anger seemingly slowly began to wane. Until, magically my anger eventually disappeared.

During an argument with one of my sons, I decided to not respond to his antics. I approached him in a loving manner. Previously, I refrained from speaking with him for days. When I choose to take the “high road” and not take things personally, resolutions abound. I learned a lesson and so did Jacob. The ultimate win-win—achieved only by the power of love; or might I prefer to say “unconditional love”.

My book guides you along an adoptee’s journey and nurtures love in order to help you overcome feelings of anger and betrayal.  carina-book-imageIn gratitude for having you here, you can sign up for my guide book,  3 Most Important Truths When Talking About Adoption. I encourage you to share it with others as well. >>Sign up here<<

Praise for

                                        3 Most Important Truths When Talking About Adoption 

“Carina! Thank you for sharing! I think what is most appealing about you and (for me) comes through in your writing is that you really, truly, speak from the heart. Especially from my perspective– being adopted, struggling with my own truths about my family and biological father, I know I can relate to much of your story. But even outside of that– reading your writing feels like a conversation, like I’ve known you for years– which is something I find to be one of the most important aspects of a writer. People want to feel connected and you have that grace that pulls your reader in and makes it intimate and comforting to read your story.”~ Nickcole W.

Burns-JewelryBox CVR

Praise for

The Syrian Jewelry Box: A Daughter’s Journey for Truth

“Carina Burns has looked within herself, faced her demons, and developed the courage to share her journey of love, perceived betrayal, angst, and regenerative love. I first knew Carina before she learned of her adoption. She was a typical carefree teenager enjoying the ‘good life’ of a third-culture expatriate kid. Only recently have I reconnected with her. She has quite a story, a gift she shares with passion. Carina Burns is truly ‘becoming’ in every way imaginable.”~ Richard Maack, junior high school principal, Saudi Arabia

 

 

Carina’s memoir, The Syrian Jewelry Boxis a beautifully expressed story from an adopted child written in a manner which will help bring contentment and comfort to all adopted readers.”~ Anthony J. Zamarchi, Sr., Raytheon Middle East Systems

For future publication and purchasing information, please visit Carina’s website.  >>here<<

Original Syrian Jewelry Box

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Markus (8), Jacob (10) & Conor (8)—Summer 2004 in Skei, Norway

Summer 2004, Skei, Norway

 

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